FML. 

Melodrama, why are you my best friend? 

Let the words speak a thousand riddles, 

I’ll decipher them in my head, 

like a coded message from me to you, 

give me the signal, 

we’ll run away. 

Crawl beneath the chimes. 

let the music sooth you, 

they’re getting ready to strike, 

get your walls back up around you. 

I’d feel guilty, 

if I was that kind, 

but there’s no turning back now, 

I don’t want you to see, 

it’s better if I’m alone, 

just me, 

with your last words to keep me company. 

___________

Scribbles on the pages, 

float around, 

the air filled with sighs, 

empty is the sound, 

hollow goodbyes, 

half hearted waves, 

maybe today I’ll be able to make it farther than the gate.

Conscience is non existant, 

a myth like the others we believe in, 

somehow it all seemed real, 

doesn’t it always? 

*Filler*

Aww my baby! I haven’t forgotten you at all, it’s just, with the big clunky Blackberry that I know have, all my poems go straight into that. It’s so much easier that way. But, I need to get ’em out of there, and so I’ll post ’em here soon. They will be lame, as always, but it’s cool, I don’t really thinks anyone even reads this anyways. 

 

Hymn for the missing

|Because I’m such a considerate person WordPress, i’m gonna warn you beforehand that this is not a happy post. In fact, I’ve kind of not made happy posts for a while now. I don’t fee like it. And you’ve been whining in my inbox about me not posting something for 2 months, so this is what you get.|

Life sucks, and then you die.

If only, you should be so lucky.

Life sucks, the people you love die, and then you die.

^ That sort of covers the whole thing better.

 

It was my birthday on the 15th.

 

 

Happy fuckin birthday to me.

This is from the heart.

yeah, so waddup wordpress? I know you’re thinking i use you only when i’m sad, and well, that is kind of true. So now that we have that out of thw way can we get down to me being sad and moping? Thanks, Appreciate it. 

You know how MM left us all in Jan, it sucked, and i miss her every single day, in fact i miss her so much i think i see her at night, freaky huh? i think its just my guilt getting the better of me. the fact that i was a colossal bitch to her sometimes. Only sometimes. Not always, not on a regular basis, maybe just 1 or 3 times. And i miss her so much, it hurts. people are wrong, the pain does not get better after some time. It just hurts even more. When the realization slowly sinks in. maybe i thought that it’ll get better after, she’ll come back. she isn’t. She never is. and i have to move on. 

The fact is though that there was always MM2, (they both have the same initials) and she and my mum supported each other pretty well. They were there for each other, cause only they knew what was going on the others mind, only 2 sisters can share the pain of loosing another sister. And now she’s going too. Back to the place she doesn’t really belong in, but only cause there’s a ‘better life’ there. Bullshit. She’s a coward. maybe staying here reminds her of MM too much, or maybe she just wants to go the place of less dirt and pollution, i don’t know, and know what? i don’t care. She’s leaving all of us, for something, and there is nothing in this world that can justify that. Nothing at all. and i am so mad at her, that i can’t talk to her without being rude, and i will so regret this after she’s gone, that the last few days we had together before god knows when we’ll get to meet next, and i was only rude to her. But i can’t be nice. 

because if i put the anger aside for a second, there’s only pain in me. Pain so massive that i might just explode. and somehow the anger seems like a better alternative cause i can take it out on someone. And i know its not gonna get easier as time goes on. The past few weeks, stuff has just been building up, and one day i’m not gonna be able to take it anymore. I can’t. I’m weak, i know that, because only the weal blame others. i just want it all to get over, just make all the tension and pain and EVERY OTHER SHITTY THING TO STOP!!!

because i’ve had it, i’m done, i’m tired of arguing with people i love, people who only want the best for me. 

I’m tired of resisting change around. 

i’m tired of denying that MM is gone. she’s not coming back.

i’m tired of refusing to accept that MM2 is leaving too. 

And, i’m tried of refusing to accept help.  

 

People always leave. Always, the world is a sad selfish place, and we’re all in it alone. there’s no one here to help us, or support us. We’re in it alone. and its time I accepted this fact myself. 

woah, umm, i have no idea what made me write this. i wanna say something smart like, ‘its a metaphor’ but i have nothing. and this is a very long title. Ugh.

Beware the madman,
He comes in the dark,
With his little sickle,
He’ll cut out your heart.
Monotony is his mate,
Together they play a game,
They toss the coins and pick the straws, to choose the next name,
Don’t feel bad, darling
You’re could be next,
Its a matter of fate,
Who is a fickle bitch.
She likes to mock your life,
She’ll make you safe and sound,
And then put in your name,
A different ways,
So gear up love,
I can’t help you with this,
Gotta help the mad man,
Pick out his next hit.
See I’m no different,
I scope out next targets,
The mad man’s my lover,
And this is our little game,
Close your eyes,
And pray,
That I don’t pick your name.

whattt!?

i know that this supposed to be the more serious blog ( or depressing :|) but i can’t help it!!
i know most probably a lot of people aren’t reading this, actually i think no one is :), so i can write whatever i want to, so here goes! i just saw my spam comments, and i really don’t think i’ve ever even mentioned sex dating anywhere, let alone on this blog! and there wasn’t one, but 2 of them! thanking me for my advice on sex dating. well, you’re most welcome. now you’ve just made me have to check if wether any of my poems have double meanings to them.

The one who walks in sorrow.

So long,
i guess its your time to leave,
They’ve pulled up the hearse,
and wait for you to get on,
do we need to carry you?
or you leave on your own,
just know this,
i need to ask,
Wy’d you have to go so suddenly?
If only i could say goodbye.

All that i have now i regret,
Thank you for the pain,
It’ll be a part of me now,
Forver replacing my shadow,
They’ll call me the one who walks in sorrow.

We all line up,
to make sure you know,
You’re as important as the sun,
maybe even more,
B’coz now that you aren’t here,
it only seems dark,
maybe let them take me instead,
I’d do it over a hundred times,
each with a different ending in sight.

All that i have now i regret,
Thank you for the pain,
It’ll be a part of me now,
Forver replacing my shadow,
They’ll call me the one who walks in sorrow.

I’d stand in the past

Never pinned you for a sadist,

that pain would make you so happy,

speccially when it ain’t yours to take,

or give away,

I imagine you standing there smiling,

perhaps even laughing,

at the way, people grieve,

Make no mistakes,

i will stay awake,

for a last look at you,

before you go,

for good.

 

Do you feel glad now?

that we’re so sad now,

It’s like you took a stake,

and thrust right through our hearts,

and through the darkness we walk,

looking for someone onto whom we can pass the pain,

that makes us choke an scream,

and wanna leave with you.

 

Never thought you’d want us cry,

i really can’t understand why,

it makes you so happy to see us this way?

didn’t we mean that much to you

didn’t we mean the world to you?!

cause you were our everything!

and we’d do anything, just to get you back,

I’d stand in the past,

and wait for a glimpse of you.

 

Mama

mama,
you bore me to death,
you’re making me sing it aloud
sing it all out,
and i feel scared.

mama,
don’t you even realise,
that i see right through you ,
and all your lies,

mama,
its happening so fast,
that i’m loosing my mind,
and spining around,
all i see is black,

is this how they’ll come for me,
make me struggle and scream,
somehow i don’t think i’m ready,

is this how i have to go,
i don’t really know,
mama i need you to show me how,
i have to leave.

mama,
is it true what they say,
that we all go one day,
all alone,
with no one beside.

mama,
are you ready to let me go,
cause i don’t you want to wonder why,
i didn’t say goodbye,
and just left.

i didn’t want you feel the pain,
i know you have before,
so i’m just gonna now,
before i see you break down,
and it kills me twice to see you cry,
still i have to go, goodbye,
just don’t worry for me,
i will be waiting here,
just take your time,
don’t hurry please,
and here are my apologies,
just keep them,
with my memories.

||i love my mum, alot, and i guess that this ^^ is about a kind of life cycle of  child, you start getting irritated by your parents, and then when its too late you realize, just how stupid you were, and in this case here, the child is dying, and is trying to apologize for all the stuff she’s done. ||